Cost Of Hatred

Cost of hatred

You pay a high price for hating someone

You spend your days, trying to take a stab at them. Just so that they can feel the pain equal to that they inflicted on you
It is really expensive to hate someone
I now learn the lesson in my old age.
As I missed all the lessons I paid for in my childhood
I spent most of my hours hating him.
And with this hate, came the unrecoverable loss of  true love.
Yes, one could ask the question "what does the young me know about true love?"
I would answer " shadowed with so much violence, one begins to protect themselves. Therefore missing the only true rose that grows from the cracks of a wall"
I can proudly say, I was the first girl who you wrote a poem to
I was the first girl whom you had your heart beat with at once
I was the first girl
Who got you to wear shorts and show off your scar
I can proudly say, although you never said it, you loved me...  But I was too busy fighting off demons from closets that I dared not to open to you.
I had to shield myself from the shadow of hatred.
Forgetting that you were there all along.
God really showed me grace.
By seeing you smile at me... Gave me a much needed break from the war.
Although I lost you in the war...
It was not my intention to,
I had no way of knowing that war will rob me of an opportunity to be free with you.
The cost of hatred is pennied for by loss of true innocent love.
With that said... I now learned..
I will never let hatred hold me to ransom over love.
I miss you.. And wish
Things could have turned out differently.
I wish you the best... In all you do.